Dear Devon, Love Jaylyn

Dear Devon,
If I could speak, I would have so much to say! But that does not mean that my expressions and vocalizations do not mean something too. You are an amazing big brother. And I know that it was somewhat easier being a big brother to a typical sibling than it is being a big brother to me.

From the beginning, you were so helpful and caring. Taking care of mommy, and you have been there for me since the fetus!  I am definitely not what everyone expected and I know it must be frustrating trying to figure out what I want,while still trying to accept that I am not a typical child. I am special needs, and I will need care for the rest of my life. Youre definitely not alone in that because sometimes mommy and daddy have a tough time of it too! But please be patient. I cannot help the way that I am, and its just as frustrating for me when I cant communicate my wants and needs as it is for you.

So out of frustration,  when I throw myself back, understand that its not because I want to hurt you. I am trying to be heard and do not know how (Mommy knows someone that was sorta the same when he was little). I know at 15 months old, I should be doing a lot more than I can do, especially feeding myself and holding a bottle. It must be so exhausting having to do something for me all the time that I should already know how to do. Nothing I do is out of malace. The amazing thing about special needs children is that we are so pure of heart and mind, we would never hurt anyone on purpose.

I know you were expecting a little sister that would be running behind you and getting into things by now. Babbling your name and being more interactive.  Instead, I have to be carried everywhere.  Again, imagine how frustrating it is for me! I want to go. I want to walk, and I want to talk! And I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice when you are having a hard time understanding MY way of communicating. Sometimes it makes me cry because all I want is for you to understand me.

Understand that because my brain does not communicate with my body that my limbs do not work right, so dressing me does take time and patience. Do not get upset when my legs involuntarily cross. Take your time and listen to mommy on how to do it. I do appreciate it and mommy sure can use a break too! Besides, I love our bonding time! I love the way you make me laugh and smile! And let me play with your hats!

I know that if I were a typical child, it would be easier on everyone and mommy wouldnt have to rely so much on you to help take care of me. Im sure you would rather be hanging out with friends than going to the umpteenth doctor's appointment or having to do extra chores because I was such a handful mommy didnt get a chance to even sleep, let alone get anything done.

You are one of the most important people in my life! I love you so much! I know I cant say it with words yet or if I will ever be able to, but look into my eyes! Look at my facial expressions,  and pay attention to my body language. I know that you have overcome your own difficulties which is why I think we have such a close bond. So please be patient. Please understand,  and most of all, please stay awesome!