Something I have always believed is that everything does happen for a reason. What that reason is, isn't always obvious or apparent. For instance, what is the reason children are born with horrific things? Without getting into a religious debate, this is the very reason I had lost my "faith". I could not understand how a "God" for whom I was once so very devout would allow such terrible things to happen. Long before I had Jaylyn, Samaura, and even Devon I was a very devout Catholic. I had taught CCD. Gone to church 2 to 3 times a week. And growing up in NY, my favorite thing to do in the city? The stations of the cross at St Patrick's cathedral. At one point in my life I had even entertained the thought of being a nun. Holy shit! Yes its true! I loved church and God and even being a Catholic. A lot has happened to rapidly change my faith and feelings toward organized religion. Being a nurse also had a lot to do with it. Seeing children suffer from horrific things made me question and doubt. Hearing biblical cliches about Gods "plan", that He doesn't make mistakes, and my all time favorite for when things got really bad?!? Its a "test". Im all for prayers, intentions and positive energy. I'm a very metaphysical person. I do believe that what you send out comes back full circle. I have seen it and experienced it too many times not to believe. I consider myself a spiritual person. The moment I found out Jaylyn had something seriously wrong with her, you best believe I begged the "powers that be" to watch over my babygirl. I also asked friends and family of all religious paths to pray or whatever it is that they do, for her. Just because I had lost my faith, doesnt mean I begrudge anyone else theirs. Especially when the good intentions are there. The word had spread rather quickly and people from all corners of the world were praying for Jaylyn. We received blessed rosary beads and a crucifix, Goddess poppets and candles, prayers, chants, you name it! It had taken a week in the NICU but she survived. So had this experience renewed my faith? The answer is a bit unexpected. It absolutely did! But not in "God", or any other deity. But in humanity. People from all walks of religious beliefs combined their efforts for 1 purpose, for 1 child. People who for many a reason would either not interact, cross paths, or even get along due to religious beliefs all pulled through for my little girl. If only this ripple effect could reach the areas of conflict in the middle east. Or even right here in America. Im certainly not jumping back on the church bandwagon, but I do have faith. In myself, in my family, and in the fact that Jaylyn happened for a reason.
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